HEART OF GOLD

My son's friends were married recently, and we were invited to attend the celebration. Magda and Andreas have spent so much time with us here at the lake over the years, they've become like family.
The wedding took place in the Niagara area, and we made a weekend of it since our three kids and their families were invited as well. This was nice since we don't all live in the same area and have a chance to be together often. It rained most of the weekend, but we made the most of it by bowling and just hanging out. It was fun.

The groomsmen met us at the majestic church with umbrellas, and as we settled in the storm outside was quickly forgotten. The stained glass windows were glorious with their height and colour. They depicted various stories, and I noticed that all the people had golden auras emanating from their heads. The wedding party was elegant, the acoustics sublime and the priest was quite funny. It was a memorable ceremony.
The reception took place at a vineyard and the room was warm and intimate. The master of ceremonies kept things rolling through the speeches and presentations and the meal was plentiful. And then it was time for the father-of-the-bride's speech, and his love for his daughter was obvious from the words he chose. His memories were of good times and bad and of a relationship that had matured from father/daughter to one of mutual respect. And then they danced.

And then I cried.
I went to the washroom and sat there feeling so sad and alone, longing to hear those words and feeling that love from my own father. But he died young, and that wound ached so bad. I tried to tell myself that Richard wasn't only speaking to Magda; this father was speaking to all daughters, including me. Sobbing, with my face in my hands, I saw my dad smiling at me and I began to calm down. And then I remembered a quote a student had given me: Refuse to be seduced by what is past and over, and what cannot be changed. Remember: more important than what is BEHIND you and what is AHEAD of you is what is IN you.
And I began to let go of the hurt. My mind raced around the memories of the past and future and finally halted on what was within. Lifting my head and straightening my spine, I felt tremendous pressure around my heart. I couldn't tell if it was clenching or releasing. And then the words heart of gold came to mind, and I knew the discomfort was coming from a very tight muscle being relaxed after a very, very long time.

More important than what is BEHIND you and what is AHEAD of you is what is IN you. What was in me was a heart of gold. It had always been there, but I had allowed myself to be seduced into thinking that holding onto those old memories that couldn't be changed was more important than living with an open, loving heart – a heart of gold.
Then I remembered the stained glass windows and the gold emanating from the holy men and women and I felt a unity with them, a belonging to this great, vast universe. Maybe that was what they were trying to show us, maybe that was what all religious stories were trying to teach us: refuse to be seduced away from your true nature; instead, embrace your heart of gold and let it light the way.
And so as Magda and Andreas start their new life together and get tugged at by all the seducers out there, I hope they never forget the love in the room that first day, and know it will always be there to nurture what is most important in them.